is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
