we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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