what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
