When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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