i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
