his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
