Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
