gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize