I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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