You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
