Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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