Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
