i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
