did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
