If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
