New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
