he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
