dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
