so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
