He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize