The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize