She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
