I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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