I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
