the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh god it's open bar.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
