Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
