So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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