I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
