Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
