ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
