i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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