Sry I called you an 8
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
