Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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