I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
