i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think i have two assholes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
