Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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