Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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