Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
