it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize