I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
