my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
