I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
