Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
