I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
