she looked like the before picture.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
