she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
