I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
