What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
