I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
