Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we're making bets on your personal life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
