Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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