I cockslap morals
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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