my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
