tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
