my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
