My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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