i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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