You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
