D3 body, D1 cock
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
