She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize