so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
