Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
