babies were throwing up all over the place
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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