peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
