I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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