Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
