im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
