I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
