Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Michael Bay diarrhea
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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