Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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