I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
