Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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